so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
