Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
worst night to have a conscience
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
