You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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