Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
