I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
