college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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