Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
