it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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