meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
