Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
