This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
