I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
