i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
