Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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