Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
