Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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