How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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