Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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