i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
