yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
