Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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