we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
