hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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