I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
