I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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