You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
