I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
