so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
