but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
