i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
