Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
