so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
