and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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