i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
