I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
