..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
