My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Houston, we have a blender
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
