now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
