I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
