hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
