she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
