why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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