just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
