I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
