who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
