I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
