it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
