A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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