Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
