So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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