all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
