youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
