Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
