Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
