I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
