Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Damn victory sex feels great
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
